The Psychology of Cringe: Why We Can’t Stand Watching Our Old Selves

Secondhand embarrassment, self-awareness, and why a 3-year-old video of yourself can ruin your whole day.

Let’s start with a familiar horror story.

You open your “Memories”. A video plays. It’s 2019. You’re wearing sunglasses indoors. You’re saying something in a fake British accent. There are emojis. So many emojis.

And in that exact moment, you want to melt into the floor and have the earth swallow you whole.

Vanish. Evaporate. Undo your existence.

Cringe.

It’s universal. That full-body secondhand embarrassment we feel toward… ourselves. Old texts. Past outfits. A selfie from 8th grade. That one school presentation where you thought saying “yeet” was revolutionary.

But why does it hit so hard? Why do we cringe not just at others—but at the people we used to be?

Turns out, psychology has a lot to say.

Cringe = Self-Awareness on Overdrive

The feeling of cringe is closely tied to a part of our brain called the medial prefrontal cortex—involved in self-evaluation and thinking about how we’re perceived by others.

In early adolescence (usually around age 13–15), this part of the brain starts firing like crazy. It’s when we develop what's called the imaginary audience phenomenon—where we think everyone’s watching and judging us constantly.

That self-consciousness doesn’t fully go away. It just matures into what psychologists call public self-awareness—basically, your ability to imagine how others are seeing you.

So when you see old videos or posts, your present brain—with all its newer standards, growth, and hindsight—is looking at your past self and going: “Who on earth LET me post that?”

Why It Hurts So Bad

A hallmark of VR therapy is its adaptability. Therapists can finely tune the intensity and complexity of virtual experiences, ensuring a tailored approach to each individual's comfort level. The gradual progression allows users to confront their fears in a safe and controlled environment, fostering resilience and empowerment.

Breaking Down Barriers

For some, facing fears in the real world can be overwhelming. Virtual Reality Therapy acts as a bridge, providing a safe space for individuals to confront and manage their anxieties without the constraints of the physical world. This not only increases accessibility but also addresses the diverse needs of those who may be hesitant to engage in traditional exposure therapy.

The Neuroscience of VR Therapy

Beyond its immersive qualities, VR therapy taps into the realm of neuroscience. The technology monitors physiological responses, such as heart rate and skin conductance, offering valuable insights into an individual's emotional and cognitive reactions. This data-driven approach enhances the therapist's ability to gauge progress and adjust interventions accordingly.

Beyond the Therapist's Office

Recent advancements have extended the reach of VR therapy beyond clinical settings. Home-based applications, accessible through VR headsets, empower individuals to engage in therapeutic exercises remotely. This democratization of mental health treatment brings therapy into the daily lives of those who might otherwise face barriers to accessing care.

Conclusion

Virtual reality therapy for phobias and anxiety disorders represents a paradigm shift in mental health treatment. As we unlock the potential of immersive experiences, we pave the way for more effective, personalized, and accessible interventions. The advancement of psychology and technology is propelling us into an era where the landscapes of our fears are no longer insurmountable but rather realms to be explored and conquered—one virtual step at a time. As VR therapy continues to evolve, its promise as a transformative force in mental health stands as a testament to the boundless possibilities that lie at the intersection of science, technology, and the human mind.

Reference List

Gillespie, C. (2022). Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy Can Help People Overcome Phobias. [online] Verywell Mind. Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/virtual-reality-exposure-therapy-can-help-people-overcome-phobias-6272365.

Maialetti, K. (2023). Coping with Anxiety Through Virtual Reality. [online] www.penn medicine.org. Available at: https://www.pennmedicine.org/news/news-blog/2023/july/coping-with-anxiety-through-virtual-reality.

Page, S. and Coxon, M. (2016). Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy for Anxiety Disorders: Small Samples and No Controls? Frontiers in Psychology, 7(Volume 7). doi:https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00326.

Rosen, D.A. (2016). Virtual Reality Therapy for Phobias. [online] Center for Treatment of Anxiety & Mood Disorders. Available at: https://www.centerforanxietydisorders.com/virtual-reality-therapy-for-phobias/.

Villines, Z. (2023). VR therapy for phobias, depression, PTSD, and more. [online] www.medicalnewstoday.com. Available at: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/vr-therapy#how-it-works.

Watson, T. (2020). Virtual Reality and Mental Health - Therapy & Treatment with VR Technology. [online] Skywell Software. Available at: https://skywell.software/blog/virtual-reality-and-mental-health-therapy-treatment/.