The Conformity Problem: Is Fitting In Truly Belonging?

From the playground to the classroom to social gatherings, there is often an unspoken pressure to fit in with those around us. We naturally seek connection, driven by our desire to belong. But hold on! Does fitting in mean that we actually belong? What is the difference between the two? This is what we will explore in this article.

Defining the Terms: Fitting In vs. True Belonging

Fitting in requires altering your true self to gain acceptance, which is mostly conditional; you're only accepted because you conform to a certain group's values. As a fitter, you always observe, disguise, and adapt to the environment. In these environments, we fail to express ourselves. Fitting in isn't all bad, either; it's a survival mechanism, but as long as you give yourself space to grow and honor your authenticity.

Belonging, on the other hand, is being accepted for who you are. There is no need to pretend and overthink your answers. In these environments, you are allowed to be vulnerable without being judged. You grow, flourish, and connect on a deep level. 

Why do we conform?

Humans are social beings who seek group cohesion by trying to fit in. This means that people often imitate the actions of others to avoid the discomfort of feeling like an outsider. This inclination is instinctive, as social cohesion has been crucial for the success of groups throughout history.

 A notable example of this phenomenon is Asch's conformity experiments. Watch it here!!

Are there different types of conformity?

Yes! There are two types of conformity:

• Informational conformity 

This type happens when individuals seek information from a group. Like organizing group projects with your friends, when you may conform to the project idea that got the most votes, even if you dislike it. believing the group has more information or expertise than you do.

• Normative Conformity 

This type occurs when the individual shifts their attitude and beliefs, resulting from this information gathering. 

Both types are connected; after the information about the project (votes), you feel pressured to be liked or accepted by the group, so you conform to avoid feeling like the odd one out.

Cultivating True Belonging: The Path Beyond Conformity

A balanced approach to social conformity is the key to cultivating true belonging. We have to conform, but we must honor our authenticity.  We have to delve deeper to understand the motivation behind our actions. Asking questions like: 

• Are we conforming out of fear? What are we afraid of?

• Do we want to feel validated? 

• Are we honoring our truth in the process?

We need to examine our choices to better understand our motivations. 

Keeping a journal is an effective way to record your thoughts and explore your motives, which can aid in personal growth. Remember the words of JFK: "Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth." Stay mindful of this!

Reference list

McConnell, C. (2023). Odd Man Out: Fitting In vs. Belonging and How We Get in Our Own Way. [online] Medium. Available at: https://medium.com/@Catherinemcounseling/odd-man-out-the-struggle-of-fitting-in-vs-belonging-and-how-we-get-in-our-own-way-e307b26aa03e

Psychology Today (2019). Conformity. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/conformity.

Pilkington, C. (2025). Understanding the False Choice Human behavior often swings between two extremes: conformity and rebellion. Both are deeply rooted in how we interact with society and social expectations. [online] Linkedin.com. Available at: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/beyond-conformity-rebellion-discovering-true-carol-pilkington-bcebc/